Worrying though, is just a natural part of the human condition. We all worry about people we care about, or our jobs, or anything that might spoil our lifestyle as we see it. Through the years it has played a vital role in our survival and it can actually help us cope with many day to day challenges. At the same time of course, if the worrying is too intense, too frequent, and too unrelenting, it can definitely cut down on our happiness and enjoyment of life in general.
We all experience the worry goblin to some extent though. We all know that nagging feeling that something is wrong and the persistent anxiety that comes with it. But what precisely is worrying and why do we do it? Interestingly, the ancestor of the word 'worry' comes from the Old English word 'wyrgan', which means ‘to strangle.’ In the 16th century 'worry' began to be used to mean to assault verbally,’ and in the 17th century the word took on the meaning ‘to bother, distress, or persecute.’ It was a small step from this meaning to the modern definitions ‘to cause to feel anxious or distressed’ and ‘to feel troubled or uneasy.’”
Worrying is obviously not pleasant, even it is actually an essential, normal, and instinctive emotion that has been hard-wired into humans to help us survive since we rose out of the primordial muck (Ooo I wonder what was in that muck, I hope nothing nibbles my toe. Ahh I think I just ate some!). Generally speaking we worry about things because we see them as a threat to our normal existence and worrying about it causes us to focus on it and protect ourselves from that particular threat.
Let’s face it, real and present dangers to our health, well being, and livelihoods do exist and you want to be aware of them and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from them. You want to take reasonable precautions against illness, injury, and accident. So clearly, some form of worrying is good for us. Unfortunately, worrying can all too easily morph from that healthy, practical form of concern and vigilance to a preoccupation with stuff that isn't.
These are the worries that can cause you to obsess about so many things that are very unlikely to ever happen, that they interfere with your worrying about the stuff that might. It's these worries that can, return to the original Old English meaning of worry, metaphorically they strangle you. So, basically what I'm saying is, worrying has been making us feel miserable since we began walking upright, even if it has also ensured our survival.
Unhealthy worrying (when it goes beyond concern to protect yourself and makes you miserable) is all about negative, obsessive thinking, doubt, physical anxiety, and fear. This type of worry is actually a symptom of other problems and so becomes a problem in itself. It usually comes from the emotional baggage we pick up and hold onto as a child and a deep, often unconscious belief that you won’t be able to protect yourself, stuff like:
Insecurity: (“I live in a scary world.”)
Perfectionism: (“If I make mistakes, I am a failure.”)
Need for control: (“If I lose control, I bad stuff will happen.”)
Social comparison (“People don't like me and think I'm an idiot.”)
Pessimism (“Bad things are just bound to happen to me.”)
Low tolerance for stress (“How can I protect myself if I’m this stressed out!?”)
Of course all of this baggage isn’t black-and-white, it's not like you either have them or you don’t; rather, we all carry some of it around with us to different degrees. The question is though, is whether our worrying is healthy or not. The way to tell which worrying you have is to ask yourself the following questions:
Do you worry about things that are not immediate threats?
Do you spend more time anxious than relaxed?
Are you usually unhappy or happy?
Do you have difficulty enjoying yourself because you worry so much?
Are you unwilling to take reasonable risks?
Do your worries interfere with your normal life?
If you answered ‘no’ to the above questions, then you’re likely to be a healthy worrier, so keep doing what you’re doing because you know what the real threats are. However, if you responded ‘yes’ to the questions, then you are probably an unhealthy worrier and you’ll want to take some steps to relieve yourself of that unnecessary burden. Sadly, there is no wonder pill that will magically relieve you of your worrying but there are some things you can do to reduce the problem.
The best place to start is to address the cause of your worry. If you can figure out what precisely you are worrying about, then you’re in a position to find a solution to it. In the short term, you can also increase your awareness of what the most common sources of worry are for you (e.g. work, family, relationships, or money). If you understand your worries, they can become . . . well, less worrisome. You can actually start looking for way to help ease your worries.
Another thing that can cause the volume of your worrying to go up several notches is to worry about worrying. It's true, this is a real thing! You can actually make yourself even more miserable by thinking that you are the only one in the world who worries about the things you worry about. So if you can accept that worrying is just a normal part of life and everyone does it, maybe we can keep the volume of our worrying to a more manageable level.
Sometimes of course there is no immediate solution to the worrying and you just can’t get your worrying out of your mind. In this case, the best strategy is to distract yourself the best you can from whatever the worry might be. Whether that is reading a book, watching a movie, or hanging out with friends, if you’re focused on other activities, you’re bound to worry less. Basically if you can do things that oppose the worrying, namely, anything that makes you feel positive, happy, excited, or relaxed, you will counter the negativity and anxiety that accompanies the worrying.
A wise man once said “There are only two things in life which we worry about. Things that we can do something about, and things that we can't. And there's no point in worrying about the things we can do something about, because we can do something about them. And there's no point in worrying about the things that we can't, because we can't. (Okay, it wasn't a wise man, it was me. But still).
In the long term, you could explore the causes of your deeper worrying. If you can directly “unpack” your baggage you can free yourself from the heart of your worries. Admittedly, this process can be difficult and very time consuming, but the rewards are powerful and will last a lifetime.
Or, you could of course just take the sage-like advice of the singer Bobby McFerrin: “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
Let’s face it, real and present dangers to our health, well being, and livelihoods do exist and you want to be aware of them and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from them. You want to take reasonable precautions against illness, injury, and accident. So clearly, some form of worrying is good for us. Unfortunately, worrying can all too easily morph from that healthy, practical form of concern and vigilance to a preoccupation with stuff that isn't.
These are the worries that can cause you to obsess about so many things that are very unlikely to ever happen, that they interfere with your worrying about the stuff that might. It's these worries that can, return to the original Old English meaning of worry, metaphorically they strangle you. So, basically what I'm saying is, worrying has been making us feel miserable since we began walking upright, even if it has also ensured our survival.
Unhealthy worrying (when it goes beyond concern to protect yourself and makes you miserable) is all about negative, obsessive thinking, doubt, physical anxiety, and fear. This type of worry is actually a symptom of other problems and so becomes a problem in itself. It usually comes from the emotional baggage we pick up and hold onto as a child and a deep, often unconscious belief that you won’t be able to protect yourself, stuff like:
Insecurity: (“I live in a scary world.”)
Perfectionism: (“If I make mistakes, I am a failure.”)
Need for control: (“If I lose control, I bad stuff will happen.”)
Social comparison (“People don't like me and think I'm an idiot.”)
Pessimism (“Bad things are just bound to happen to me.”)
Low tolerance for stress (“How can I protect myself if I’m this stressed out!?”)
Of course all of this baggage isn’t black-and-white, it's not like you either have them or you don’t; rather, we all carry some of it around with us to different degrees. The question is though, is whether our worrying is healthy or not. The way to tell which worrying you have is to ask yourself the following questions:
Do you worry about things that are not immediate threats?
Do you spend more time anxious than relaxed?
Are you usually unhappy or happy?
Do you have difficulty enjoying yourself because you worry so much?
Are you unwilling to take reasonable risks?
Do your worries interfere with your normal life?
If you answered ‘no’ to the above questions, then you’re likely to be a healthy worrier, so keep doing what you’re doing because you know what the real threats are. However, if you responded ‘yes’ to the questions, then you are probably an unhealthy worrier and you’ll want to take some steps to relieve yourself of that unnecessary burden. Sadly, there is no wonder pill that will magically relieve you of your worrying but there are some things you can do to reduce the problem.
The best place to start is to address the cause of your worry. If you can figure out what precisely you are worrying about, then you’re in a position to find a solution to it. In the short term, you can also increase your awareness of what the most common sources of worry are for you (e.g. work, family, relationships, or money). If you understand your worries, they can become . . . well, less worrisome. You can actually start looking for way to help ease your worries.
Another thing that can cause the volume of your worrying to go up several notches is to worry about worrying. It's true, this is a real thing! You can actually make yourself even more miserable by thinking that you are the only one in the world who worries about the things you worry about. So if you can accept that worrying is just a normal part of life and everyone does it, maybe we can keep the volume of our worrying to a more manageable level.
Sometimes of course there is no immediate solution to the worrying and you just can’t get your worrying out of your mind. In this case, the best strategy is to distract yourself the best you can from whatever the worry might be. Whether that is reading a book, watching a movie, or hanging out with friends, if you’re focused on other activities, you’re bound to worry less. Basically if you can do things that oppose the worrying, namely, anything that makes you feel positive, happy, excited, or relaxed, you will counter the negativity and anxiety that accompanies the worrying.
A wise man once said “There are only two things in life which we worry about. Things that we can do something about, and things that we can't. And there's no point in worrying about the things we can do something about, because we can do something about them. And there's no point in worrying about the things that we can't, because we can't. (Okay, it wasn't a wise man, it was me. But still).
In the long term, you could explore the causes of your deeper worrying. If you can directly “unpack” your baggage you can free yourself from the heart of your worries. Admittedly, this process can be difficult and very time consuming, but the rewards are powerful and will last a lifetime.
Or, you could of course just take the sage-like advice of the singer Bobby McFerrin: “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
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