Friday, 31 January 2014

The Friday Fanfare!

<Turn up the volume, and cue the Rocky theme! click the link below>

Sound the trumpets! Let the fanfare ring out across this damp nation! Unfurl the flags of joy! Ping your pants across the bedroom and dance while only wearing your socks! (No seriously, do try that, it's awesome!) It may well be grey and moist out there again, but never mind all that. Just wrap up in a snuggly coat and batten down the hutches! If you are a keeper of rabbits and or guinea pigs. That's right good people, it matters not what the world is throwing at us, today is your Friday!

There may well another prediction of a raging tempest from the doom filled weather reporters, and I for one, have certainly been experiencing some very strong, ferocious wind this morning! Although that's probably more to do with what I've eaten than the weather. And we may well STILL be experiencing the wettest January since records began . . . again! Or since 1995 depending on which paper you read. But fear not my friends there is still the far from small matter of a Friday to bask in.

Yes dear friends, once more it's arrived just in the nick of time. (Which incidentally would be an amazing title for a action comedy film about a time traveller called Nick. Who has to save the world by completing a series of seemingly impossible tasks throughout history in a certain amount of time. With hugely funny and nail biting consequences. Possibly starring Martin Freeman and Emily Blunt with Samuel L Jackson playing the baddie. If for no other reason than a film with Sammy J in it, is generally awesome)

Sorry, distracted again! Honestly I'm like a small dog on Friday, all tail wagging and distractions and bouncing about like a looney. Although I have to say, it really is the best way to be on Friday. So forgetting the whole O2 element of it, perhaps as the advert says, maybe we really SHOULD all be a little more 'dog' on a Friday!?

If I roll over will you rub my belly?

Happy Friday gorgeous people!

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Really! Still January!!

It the eve of the Friday. Once more we find ourselves at the beginning of the the penultimate furlong of another week. Yet despite how quickly the days seem to pass, unbelievably it is still insisting on being January! Yes, despite it being the same length as March, May, July, August, October, and December, January seems to last forever. I think the reason for this is that January is kind of like the Monday of the year. We've all had a nice long rest at the weekend of the year, otherwise know as Christmas. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, feels like about 3 months ago now!

Then, before we know it, we all start back with our noses against the grindstone. Which, if you were wondering fact fans, is a phrase that has nothing to do with windmill owners making flour! You see a miller uses a millstone, not a grindstone, and the phrase is not 'hold our noses against the millstone' now is it! In fact the phrase comes from the practice of knife grinders when sharpening blades to bend over the stone, or even to lie flat on their fronts, with their faces near the grindstone in order to hold the blades against the stone. Plus, in the early 1500s it was actually used as a form of punishment, they did enjoy their creative forms of punishment back then didn't they!

Sorry, got side-tracked again there! The point is, I really think January has overstayed it's welcome. I think it's about time we all started glancing at our watches and yawning and maybe having a stretch, just to see if it takes the hint! Failing that, I think we're just gonna have to plough in with the phrase "Well, we won't keep you any longer!" Which of course we all know actually means, We wish to stop talking to you now and get on with our lives.

Still only two days left of January to endure, and they are a Friday and a Friday Eve, so things could always be worse!

Take care all you lovely people! Oh okay, and all you little tinkers too!

Tuesday, 28 January 2014


Ah yes dear people it's Wednesday . . . So today I thought I would grace you with some facts for all the fact fans out there. Yes it's Wednesday, also known as "The peak of the week", because of course, it falls squarely in the middle of the working week. After the steep uphill struggles of Mondays and Tuesdays, we are faced with climbing to the towering summit of week, at around lunchtime. When of course we can all sit back and proudly celebrate the achievements we have made thus far, and then make haste for the glorious downhill stretch towards the weekend, which lays before us like a row of sun soaked buttercup meadows.

The name Wednesday of course, as we all know, is of pagan origin and can be traced back to the English god W┼Źden. (A god whose heart, I believe, Elvis sang a song about in his film and subsequent album G.I. Blues) Of course, this pagan connection is why The Quakers actually refer to Wednesday as "Fourth day". "Hold on a minute," I hear you cry, "Surely if you going to do that why not just change all the days of the week!?" Well of course they do, Sunday being First Day, etc etc. (I mean you can't very well have the week going Fouth Day, Thursday, Friday, it just sounds silly!) Of course they do that with all the months as well, so today is actually Forth day the 29th of First Month. Not very imaginative I grant you, but whatever works for you I suppose. Although there is a kind of unerring logic to it, which is kind of nice.

Still I can't stay here lollygagging all day, as much as I would like to. There are still design battles to be won and job bags to be vanquished. So I shall bid you all a good day, and see you all on the downward slide of Friday Eve.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Jump aboard the Friday Bandwagon

Unfurl the bunting! Sound the herald trumpets! Ring the Victory Bell! Don the waistcoat of real gorilla chest, and release the Kraken! Yes folks! It's only gone and turned into a blessed, glorious Friday once again! Yes, I know it happens every week, and I know it's probably NOT cool to stand up and shout about it being a Friday on social networks anymore. Getting excited about a Friday and being outspoken about it is one of those social network silent crimes, that if you participate in you will receive scorn and the rolling of eyes and possibly a one word insult from those cool people who don't want to be seen jumping on any bandwagons.

Still, who wants to try and be cool!? Surely the first step in achieving proper coolness is not trying to be cool, it's just being yourself and not conforming to what people believe to be cool. So in many respects, all the cool people who shun the Friday merry makers, are in fact not being cool at all. Besides which, who wouldn't want to jump on a bandwagon! Have you seen what a bandwagon looks like!? They're like giant coaches all decorated with gold filigree and carved lions and they have tiny, tiny wheels! Plus, and let's not forget this, they have a live band playing in them! Now if jumping on a bandwagon is EVER an option, I'm gonna be doing it in a heartbeat.

So climb aboard this bandwagon, (there's a little golden ladder at the back) and let's dance to the rhythm of band while singing the song of our people. The song that speaks of sunshine, of moonlight, of good times, and boogieing. A song that celebrates the smilers, celebrates the revel makers, celebrates the coolness of being uncool, and champions the fact that it's Friday once again!

Huzzah say I. Huzzah.

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

WARNING: Running in 'Goldfish' mode.

A metaphorical but deafening 'D flat' has rung out so loudly it would of loosened my fillings, if I had any. Well, I'm saying it was a 'D flat', suffice to say that the day has not started on a good note. I've only been conscious for just over an hour and my brain seems to be running in 'goldfish' mode. (Although having said that, the fact about goldfish only having a 3 second memory, is actually false! In fact, fact fans, it has been scientifically proven that a goldfishes memory can span up to 5 months!)

Sorry, sidetracked again. You see! Another example of 'goldfish' mode. The ability to instantly lose your train of . . . Badgers are funny aren't they? Hee hee, sorry only messing with you that time. Still, two paragraphs in and I still haven't really explained myself as to why my day has started on such a bum note. (Funny phrase that, 'a bum note' always makes me think of flatulence! And as we all know, there aren't many things more funny than flatulence! . . . No? . . . Must be a bloke thing! hehehe)

You see, I've already managed to lose my porridge! (No that's NOT a metaphor!) I was planning to start my day with a warming bowl of Ready Brek, I wandered into the kitchen and retrieved said box of breakfast substance from the kitchen table and as far as I'm aware took it with me to take to work. However, at some point between the kitchen and getting to the car, I managed to mislay it! I only realised this as I was arriving at work and looked down at the passenger seat where I would normally of put it, and discovered it wasn't there! No doubt good Lady T will tell me where I have left it. As at this point I have no recollection of where it might be! Maybe I was distracted by the aftermath of the cats night time toilet experiments. Which involved tipping out half the contents of one of their litter trays, before pooping on the hallway mat, and then turning over the corner to try and cover it up. I really have no idea.

Having got to work, feeling hungry, and with nought to eat, I decided to make myself a coffee. So I put the kettle on and made a hot cup of Milikano, (Seriously, the best instant coffee there is!) I then went and sat down at my work station, to start my morning ramblings, only to discover that somewhere between the kettle and my desk I had also managed to mislay my coffee!! So I retraced my steps to the kitchen at the far side of the building. Nothing. So, in a mild state of confusion I wandered around wondering where on earth I had put it down. It was eventually located on the window sill next to the back door. I guess I must of put it there, when I was unlocking it and then instantly forgot that I had done so!

So not really the greatest of starts to the day. I can but hope, for my sanity and for the sanity of those around me today, that this 'goldfish' brain mode will eventually switch off, otherwise today may well be a very challenging day indeed.

Still, do have yourselves a VERY fine Friday Eve and I pray that your brain, unlike mine, will be firing on all it's cylinders.

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Who is Brian?

"LOOK! IT'S BRIAN!" was the phrase I woke myself up by shouting this morning, which apparently also called for me to point at the ceiling. Thankfully this was just moments before the alarm went off anyway, but I should like to apologise to the amazing Lady T if my random name shouting did in any way wake her from her slumber also. I think I may be in the clear though, as she never mentioned it as she shuffled into the bathroom past me this morning.

As for who Brian is, I honestly have no idea as I don't remember seeing the person in question, just aware that I was shouting about them. As I said, I was pointing at the ceiling as I awoke, but I'm pretty sure that the light fitting or ceiling fan are not named Brian. Besides, why would I sound so surprised to see them even if they were, after all, the fixtures and fittings aren't known for their gallivanting. (Lovely word!) I'm also fairly certain we don't know anyone socially called Brian either. Sure, I have known people called Brian in the past, but none that really have stayed in my social circle for very long.

Which leads me to the conclusion that it must of been a celebrity Brian which I had spotted in my slumber, so then the question remains, was it, Cox, Cant, Blessed, May, Jacks, Harvey, McFadden, Johnson, Wilson, Epstein or Murphy? I honestly have no idea!

Right, well might as well go and have this Wednesday that is staring me in the face then! Sorry about the randomness.

Tuesday, 14 January 2014


The pair ran to the docks, their feet splashing in the shallow puddles as they headed for the large open-sided warehouse that stood adjacent to the wharf. Once inside, they paused to catch their breath as they stood under the corrugated roof, that rattled with the sound of the rain. The tall, battered concrete pillars offered no resistance to the squally weather outside, but they didn't care about the weather, something much more important was at stake tonight.

Looking towards the centre of the large structure they saw the boxes stacked high, almost touching the underside of the roof. They knew what they had to do, and they knew that time was against them. Without speaking a word they nodded at each other and stood either side of the mountain of cardboard boxes.

"It's got to be in here somewhere, it should be in a hidden compartment at the bottom of one of the boxes under the company logo. You'll have to slice off the logo to get to it." The woman said, as she threw a craft knife to her partner. He caught it with ease, slid out the blade, locked it into position and picked up the first box. Looking up at the pile of boxes in front of him, he knew this was going to take a while, but time was a luxury that they didn't have.

All the boxes contained a large moulded resin statue of an elephant, but they knew that one of them also contained the prize that they had to find. Frantically, they each pulled down the boxes one by one, and cut open the secret panel under the red company logo. So far all of them had been empty. After each one they opened and discovered to be empty, they tossed the boxes towards the outside of the warehouse. Thy had opened about half the boxes between them now and were surrounded by discarded boxes as the rain now hammered on the flimsy metal roof.

Nearly an hour had passed now, and time was running out. The growing frustration was building inside of them, as one by one each box denied them of small object they were trying to find. They were spurred on by the fact that only twelve more boxes remained. "Of course you know that it's bound to be the very last box we get to don't you?" The man snapped. "It's the law of sod coming into play once again!"

"Stop moaning and just keep opening them will you, we're nearly done" The woman replied.

Before long, they were both holding the last two boxes. They stood in front of each other and paused, they both knew that their goal was in sight. The man flipped over the box and sawed at the logo with what was left of his blade, he pulled off the card and peered inside the small compartment. Nothing. Meanwhile the woman had just finished cutting open the logo on the last remaining box, she lifted the box and carefully pulled back the small square of cardboard. "Woah" she said as she peered inside, her eyes wide with wonder "You're not going to believe what it is" she said as she slowly turned the bottom of the box to face her companion . . .


And that my friends, was when my alarm went off this morning, disturbing my dream which I was having! SO ANNOYING isn't it!! Now I'll never know what was in the box and why me and the Divine Mrs T needed it so badly!! Grrrrrr stupid annoying dreams! It really must be The Tuesday mustn't it!