The Visitation of the Auditors

Good morning wearing pilgrims of life's bumpy road. Alas the weekend has passed, and along with it the restful realm of half term. Yes indeed, on the night before, a Monday's dawn, many many moons ago. When I was young, and you were even younger, (Okay, so this does only apply to some of you, but it sounded nice) it would have been the evening when mother Tidy would have uttered those immortal words that strike fear and dread into the hearts of any like-minded children everywhere, "It's schoolyooly in the morning!".

Yes, I'm afraid the holiday is over. (Unless you live in Wales) So, like the poet Marshall Mathers once wrote: "Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity". Although I do have more reason to dread today than even those returning back to work/school. I must admit there is a distinct air of nervousness wafting around the office this morning. (wafting airs of nervousness are never usually pleasant) You see today, for more or less the whole day . . . We have . . . The Visitation of the Auditors. Which, by the way does sound like an awesome title for a cheesy 1950s B-Movie.

They solemnly wander in at around 9:00am, and one of them goes and sits behind a desk writing things while another of them drifts around the entire work place silently looking at things and occasionally writing notes on a large official looking clipboard. (General rule of thumb here, always be weary of dour people carrying clipboards) Then one of them at some point, suddenly appears behind your shoulder while you're sitting at your desk, usually when you're least expecting it. To ask you all kinds of difficult questions about how you go about doing things, and what you would do, in various work based situations. Then with no clue as to if what you've said is right, and with the scribble of pen upon notepad they are gone, without saying a word. They're kind of like the office equivalent of the Dementors from Harry Potter. Officially of course, they're just going to be here to check up on our working practices, that allow us to have certificates in quality and environmental excellence. Still I'm sure the ambient temperature definitely raises by quite a few degrees once they finally leave the building at the end of the day.

Wish me luck, this Monday may well be a long one.