WARNING:
THIS IS A WARNING. THE FOLLOWING WARNING CONTAINS INFORMATION THAT IS A
WARNING OF THE HIGHEST MAGNITUDE. If you, or anyone you know, comes in
the proximity of me today, take immediate steps to get as far away from
me as humanly possible. I am a walking disaster area, and should be
avoided at all costs. (What do you mean, you try to avoid me at all
costs anyway!? RUDE!)
Seriously though it's not good! It seems this real pea-souper of a fog that surrounds us this morning has also set up home in my head this morning! Causing me to have possibly the worse case of 'brain fog' I've had in decades! . . . Well ok, maybe years. . . Oh alright, months then. . . Okay! Okay! But it has definitely been a good few weeks.
It all started when I woke up this morning. (Not good really, when you consider I've only actually been awake for about an hour and a half at this point) I had awoken from a particularly surreal dream involving, me, my pyjama bottoms, rain, a block of flats, an unexpected buffet based family function of complete strangers, and the classic Waddingtons board game 'Land of the Dinosaurs'. (Don't ask!) Anyway, I switched off the alarm, reached over to have a drink of water from the sports bottle I have beside my bed for overnight thirst requirements and proceeded to squeeze it too hard, which sent a jet of water from it's nozzle up my nose and into my eye.
Not a great start I thought to myself, and certainly now in my top ten of 'what not to do when you first wake up'. Still I brushed the water off my face and went and had my shower, thankfully no disasters during that part. Then I got out the shower and for some reason knocked the enormous plastic jug that sits beside the sink onto the floor, causing a very loud clatter. So I picked that up and replaced it back onto the small bathroom unit where it came from. Unfortunately I was a little too vigorous with my placement, and through the domino effect, caused a large bottle of Gaviscon to fall off the back of it, which in turn caused an even loud bang and clatter. Possibly waking up the entire household in one foul swoop.
Sadly the madness didn't end there. I dried myself off and managed to put both legs through the same leg hole of my underwear. Not realising this until I went to walk away, and ended up just flailing on the spot for a few moments before crashing down like a felled Redwood. Thankfully I managed to aim my fall at the bed, which is something of a bright side I suppose.
Still, having done all that, I got myself together, went downstairs, grabbed an orange juice and headed out the door to the car. So I clicked the little unlock button and tried to open the door. Nothing. I was still locked up tight. So I pulled the handle a little harder, thinking maybe it was just a bit stiff. Nothing. So I thought I'd try locking it, and unlocking it again. I mean maybe I grabbed the handle to quickly so it didn't unlock. Press the lock button, *click*. Press the unlock button *click*. I was only at this point that I noticed that the sounds of unlocking and locking, weren't coming from the car I was stood next to. Yes that's right, I was trying to get into my in-laws car with my car keys. I know we haven't had the new Tidymobil very long, but still. It's not like it's the same car, or even the same flipping colour!! Thankfully there was no one around to witness me being such a calamitous arse. Oh no, hold on, yes there was! Next doors, teenage son was outside, about to start his paper round. So he saw me desperately trying to get into a car that wasn't mine. Marvellous.
Then to top it all off, when I finally got to work through the thick fog I spent at least a minute trying to open the office door with my front door key. Then as was about to sit down to write this, I sneezed whilst holding a full mug of coffee. Which, suffice to say is no longer very full. Still hopefully, when the actual fog lifts, it may take my severe brain fog with it. Until then I think I'll just sit quietly behind my desk and hope for the best.
Seriously though it's not good! It seems this real pea-souper of a fog that surrounds us this morning has also set up home in my head this morning! Causing me to have possibly the worse case of 'brain fog' I've had in decades! . . . Well ok, maybe years. . . Oh alright, months then. . . Okay! Okay! But it has definitely been a good few weeks.
It all started when I woke up this morning. (Not good really, when you consider I've only actually been awake for about an hour and a half at this point) I had awoken from a particularly surreal dream involving, me, my pyjama bottoms, rain, a block of flats, an unexpected buffet based family function of complete strangers, and the classic Waddingtons board game 'Land of the Dinosaurs'. (Don't ask!) Anyway, I switched off the alarm, reached over to have a drink of water from the sports bottle I have beside my bed for overnight thirst requirements and proceeded to squeeze it too hard, which sent a jet of water from it's nozzle up my nose and into my eye.
Not a great start I thought to myself, and certainly now in my top ten of 'what not to do when you first wake up'. Still I brushed the water off my face and went and had my shower, thankfully no disasters during that part. Then I got out the shower and for some reason knocked the enormous plastic jug that sits beside the sink onto the floor, causing a very loud clatter. So I picked that up and replaced it back onto the small bathroom unit where it came from. Unfortunately I was a little too vigorous with my placement, and through the domino effect, caused a large bottle of Gaviscon to fall off the back of it, which in turn caused an even loud bang and clatter. Possibly waking up the entire household in one foul swoop.
Sadly the madness didn't end there. I dried myself off and managed to put both legs through the same leg hole of my underwear. Not realising this until I went to walk away, and ended up just flailing on the spot for a few moments before crashing down like a felled Redwood. Thankfully I managed to aim my fall at the bed, which is something of a bright side I suppose.
Still, having done all that, I got myself together, went downstairs, grabbed an orange juice and headed out the door to the car. So I clicked the little unlock button and tried to open the door. Nothing. I was still locked up tight. So I pulled the handle a little harder, thinking maybe it was just a bit stiff. Nothing. So I thought I'd try locking it, and unlocking it again. I mean maybe I grabbed the handle to quickly so it didn't unlock. Press the lock button, *click*. Press the unlock button *click*. I was only at this point that I noticed that the sounds of unlocking and locking, weren't coming from the car I was stood next to. Yes that's right, I was trying to get into my in-laws car with my car keys. I know we haven't had the new Tidymobil very long, but still. It's not like it's the same car, or even the same flipping colour!! Thankfully there was no one around to witness me being such a calamitous arse. Oh no, hold on, yes there was! Next doors, teenage son was outside, about to start his paper round. So he saw me desperately trying to get into a car that wasn't mine. Marvellous.
Then to top it all off, when I finally got to work through the thick fog I spent at least a minute trying to open the office door with my front door key. Then as was about to sit down to write this, I sneezed whilst holding a full mug of coffee. Which, suffice to say is no longer very full. Still hopefully, when the actual fog lifts, it may take my severe brain fog with it. Until then I think I'll just sit quietly behind my desk and hope for the best.
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